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Everyone thinks I'm so pure but I'm actually not that short of a one night stand waiting to happen?
Ugh. So all of my friends think of me as the good Christian girl who superb morals...and don't get me wrong, that is who I WANT to be.
But it makes me feel so guilty when they comment on me being so pure because the only thing "pure" about me is that I'm a virgin and never really done anything sexual with a guy.
But my thought life is SO corrupt. I've looked up things online and know more about sex than probably most of my friends who are already married and pregnant.
I masturbate like everyday lately, and I often fantasize about a guy having sex with me before I go to bed.
Sometimes I just really want to go out to a club and find a random guy to have sex with just because I'm so eager to experience it.
Etc.
How can I work towards clearing up my thought life?
Oh I'm 20 if this makes a difference.
with the superb* sorry, typo.
It counts big time that you're still a virgin. It's also really good that you've been looking up things on line, and have become informed about what you want to know about.
My advice, straight from the shoulder: Hang in there. When you marry, your young man will be very, very fortunate to find that you have a strong sex drive and a fund of information that will help the two of you over the early days of adjustment. It would be a pity to trust your first experience to some guy who cares nothing about you and just wants to "score". You know this.
As for your thought life: Some people think that knowing a lot about sex means being informed about every kind of kinky position and every activity that most folks would consider perversions. I think that it's much more important to know about showing love and affection, encouraging your partner's best efforts, and smoothly managing the "mechanics" of intercourse and birth control. There's a great deal to be said in favor of sweet, sunny, vanilla sex in marriage, especially as the two of you start your lives together.
As for your need to masturbate: It's one of the least harmful ways to deal with a strong sex drive. It's not sinful. In Old Testament times, there was a strong need to build up the population of the tribes of Israel, and marriage customs were much different. Those considerations are much less relevant today.
The only thing is, the sensations and satisfactions you can obtain from self-stimulation are somewhat different from those of actual intercourse. Don't be surprised if it takes some adjustment and experience to fully enjoy the "natural way".
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